Tuesday, August 24, 2010

How My Heart Feels...

Have you ever felt that things were moving too fast and that you were suppose to be on the bus that had already left the terminal? I have had a heavy heart for a dear friend for over a week... and last night I decided to send her a text to check on her... she had to told me in the past that she didn't like to get phone calls while working, as she owns a boutique and is often the only one there. Anyway... she told me that she didn't have many minutes left on her phone but she could text me. Her last text told me to call her at her shop.

I did call her... and it was a very awkward and strange conversation. I hadn't talked to her in a long time... and it felt awkward, to say the least. I have known her for 20 years now, we've been there for each other through many, many tough times and it was this friend that I stayed with my last 2 days before I moved across the country... she drove me to the airport. I don't know if it's my fault (or no ones! The phone and email works both ways!) that we have lost touch and aren't really a part of each other's lives anymore. It was also awkward to hear her ask me. "How's married life?".... ummm... it's good, we've been blessed so far... and it's been over 2 years now, not exactly a newlywed anymore. And I found I wanted to ask her the same question about her marriage... but I didn't. Like I said... the whole thing was awkward.

I do know that my heart hurts as I remember a time of life that we were closest friends... and that time has passed.

Life does go on... and I am surprised that I do feel closer to people that are able to embrace change and embrace technology as part of that change. I know that I have readers who are my friends, some who are family, and some who are readers because they like my style and that I am who I am... as open and transparent as I can be and still not get into too much trouble.
We talked about health stuff... and she sounded more than a little contrite about her health issues, and I decided that I wasn't going to go into any issues other than having my right knee injected recently. I am struggling with this phone call and how it has made me feel... I guess no matter who we are and where we've been, we all want to go home again... only to find that you really can't. Home is actually where you make it... and friends are family you choose for yourself. It just hurts sometimes when friends decide to pull up their walls and won't let you in anymore. To those of you who still let me in... thank you for your love and friendship... it means more than you know.
Thanks for reading... be blessed!

PS.... we still covet your prayers for DH and his surgery which is scheduled for tomorrow and for me...  as I've applied for a job that I would do very well at... I hope I get it.

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