Sunday, December 29, 2013

What I Have Been Dealing With...

Life in the last several months has drastically changed for me. Over a year ago, at the request of my husband, I resigned from my position with a leading Fire Protection company, handling 1.5 million dollars on a monthly basis for a Florida market. It was stressful and my former peer and now supervisor was making my life miserable. The toll on my body was great and I was in a very unhealthy situation.

I worked with several doctors to get myself into a healthier place. During the last 6 months, I have had increased pain and mobility issues and a "so called cyst" that would not heal. Since then, I have had another surgery on the cyst, and the surgeon discovered that it was a fistula stemming from my very first cancer surgery in 1988. The doctors had placed several drains in my lower abdomen and stitched them in place, and one stitch was pulled through my mid-line fascia, causing years of drainage and issues that went undiagnosed. My surgeon was quite surprised when I told him of the date of the surgery and said I would always be remembered as one of the more surprising surgeries of his career.

As that surgery was healing, I was having issues with my joints and pain and stiffness in my hands. I went to see my husbands rheumatologist and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. I have it in my fingers on my left hand and recently began symptoms in a couple of fingers in my right hand. I also have it in my right foot with most of my toes... and of course fibromyalgia also presents across the ball of your foot inside and out. Let's just say it's hard to keep slippers on my feet when I am going up and down stairs. I have to rely on my husband to help me do shopping as of late, as I can't drive very well.

My husband has not been home very much this year. He clocked a total of 4000 (approximately) hours of work this year. The standard 40 hour work week totals 2080 per year. So, yeah, he's never here! We did see each other on Christmas eve and on Christmas Day. He should be off on New Years eve and New Years Day... so we will likely go see a movie and have dinner somewhere... depending on the weather.

I had a rough day the day after Christmas. I hadn't heard from my family on Christmas... from anyone. My husband went to work and by the evening, I was dealing with the crazy emotions of cancer and all that it has robbed of me through the years. The one thing that I have always wanted was to be a mother and a grandmother. Knowing that the rest of my family were busy with their own families and grand children  was very keening on my heart. (I know that I should be grateful for just having my life, but cancer has twice robbed me of things that I love.) It makes me angry to feel those losses at this time of year. Before I was married, I managed to stay busy... but it's very different now as we have moved so far from dear friends. I have a couple of dear friends here, but I have issues with intruding upon family time.

I am also dealing with the loss of a couple of friends... one from years ago and one who was my best friend at work. Since I have left, that friend has never picked up the phone and called me. I have called her, met her for dinner a few times, but it's always been me to make the contact. I don't know what I did... all I know is that it's hard for me to keep being the one who calls.

It's a strange phase of life for me... I am also facing a new doctor's appointment this year with a hematologist to discuss my new diagnosis of having a genetic mutation that is causing my to have very elevated hemocysteine levels. A very serious issue, along with having aortic stenosis and an aortic root aneurysm. I just had an aortic mri, which shows I am maintaining my moderate status.
It's always something.

That's a little bit of what I am dealing with... I'm trying not to be overwhelmed!
Thank you for reading!
Happy New Year!

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